SEEING RED

On the way home from my cousin's wake in Sucat near midnight last week, I decided to just take the bus as I figured traffic will not be too heavy. I took the very first aircon bus that went by near the Sucat exit from the South Superhighway. I was going through the seats to select the best location when I saw a familiar face right near very end row of the bus. He smiled at me and I was trying to remember his name, but I do know that he was on the same account I was on before at the company I work for.

He seem to have sensed me struggling for his name so he volunteered it. He was the same as before, always smiling, although he seemed sick this time and evidently he lost so much weight. I remember him being a bit on the chubby side, and let me just say that it's a far cry from how he is now. We talked for awhile about what happened with our lives since the time he left our company. Nothing has been changed with both our lives, except that he now is earning almost double than I am. He's with another call center in the south.

Everything's well, until I asked him how come he trimmed down his weight. He jokingly said it was not intentional, and that he actually is sick. I was not about to ask him what's wrong, but he said he has AIDS. The revelation almost had me falling off the seat, and he most likely noticed how surprised I was. He just chuckled and said for me not to worry as he is on medication to maintain his health. I can see he's trying to be brave disclosing me all these. AIDS is a fatal disease, and sexually transmitted most of the time nonetheless.

I have know him before to be discretely gay. Until he admits to you, you really will have no idea about his sexual preference. We go the same route even before, and the trip can be around one and a half hour duration, so we have alot of time in our hands to talk. He admitted to have been hooked into unsafe sex almost immediately after leaving our company, and that certainly was what led him to his demise. The sad thing is that his family have disowned him and he's currently living on his own. He also is afraid he may lose his job if his company finds out about his condition.

What's even more tragic is that he has two children and he used to be married too back in his province in the northern part of the Philippines. Despite having been separated, he remained friends with his ex-wife, and he continued to support his children by her. However, his ex-wife only found out he was gay when the news about him having contracted the disease spread in his hometown. Since then, he have been denied visitation nor even just to see his children as his ex-wife and her new husband moved to another place.

It may be rude, but then I was not able to hold myself back to ask him the question-- if he has regrets. He looked down and then shortly he broke into sobs, still trying to hold back his emotions. I know this is something really big, and evidently it has changed his life thoroughly. To comfort him, I patted him on his back and apologized for popping the question, and that I know it was stupid for me to ask. He lifted up his face, he smiled and still with tears asked me if I still do want to know his answer anyway. I said yes.

He said he doesn't regret anything that he has done, and whatever the consequences were for his actions. He believes we always should stand by our actions. Sex in the workplace (or outside) is always a possibility anywhere in a corporate environment. Much more in the call center industry, as most people here have liberated mindset about sex or sexuality, owing probably to the colonial mentality allowed by constant exposure to the western culture. Additionally, call centers also have the largest ratio of gay population in the workplace.

We continued to talk some more until it was finally my stop. I watched the bus roll away, filled with thoughts on really how things can change for the worst almost in an instant if you are not too careful.

BE REMINDED: AIDS DO NOT ONLY AFFLICT HOMOSEXUALS OR JUNKIES, it also can any of us.